This subject will at times be approached in a light hearted manner. Be ready.
From a vibrational point of view, you will attract someone on your vibration, your wavelength. So, whatever and whoever you are, the way you feel is what dictates what you ‘attract’ into your life.
Relationships teach us about ourselves. They are a reflection of who we are. The first relationship is with yourself. If you don’t understand yourself, and are not in touch with your own definitions and beliefs of what you are and what you want, then the relationships you attract into your life will reflect that confusion. Clarify who you are first to get a handle on your relationship with yourself, then, you will find that your relationships will improve.
So what do I mean by the relationship with yourself. Know yourself and BE SECURE IN YOURSELF. If you are insecure, wanting someone to sort out your life, and waiting for someone to ‘save you and make you happy’….and bearing in mind our previous discussions….what kind of person do you think you will attract? If you came up with the answer of ‘ an insecure, needy, unhappy and confused person’ you are correct. You attract that which is on your vibrational level. If that’s how you feel…that’s what you’ll get! If you want to attract positive characteristics, you have to be them first…that then is your new vibrational level. You can’t put the proverbial cart before the horse!
You cannot expect someone to make you happy. I have said this to many people. That expectation is not just a tall order but virtually impossible. If you cannot make yourself happy how on earth can you expect anyone else to? The same applies to ‘if you don’t much like yourself or respect yourself or you have no confidence in yourself…’ How will anyone else? That’s why the first relationship is with yourself. If you’re wondering how to respect yourself, have confidence and generally be a happier being, please refer to other headings on this website.
Sometimes men say to me they want a stunning girl friend who is funny and makes them laugh. That’s great, but then I ask them when was the last time they themselves made anyone laugh? A pretty girlfriend is of course a bonus but what about personality? Don’t yawn just yes… One particular man who wanted a pretty partner, came back after four months and announced that he had got a very beautiful girlfriend but was trying to get away from her. I asked him why and his response was that basically she was highly insecure and her personality would put an ogre to shame! It’s all very well wanting a gorgeous, intelligent, witty girlfriend but she’s not going to be interested if she thinks you’re lazy, have no goals and haven’t combed your hair, so gentlemen please, some focus and grooming is required. You have to be on the same level of what you want, for it to manifest for you.
And now to the ladies. Many women say to me, they want a rich man. Ok, that’s nice. I endeavour to explain that ‘rich men’ usually become that way by working hard, having goals and passions which they follow and a great sense of achievement. (Incidentally, these men, also know there are women who want a rich man). My question then is this….what do you have to offer this ‘rich’ man? High achievers have tremendous energy, they are confident in themselves….are you confident, do you have your own ambitions and aspirations? Are you a woman of substance? If you’re whole life revolves around him and his money, and the only thing you ask him is where’s he’s going and what he’s doing….it tells you two things. Firstly, you’re not doing very much in your own life and secondly he may very well resent you for it.
A small warning. Those of you seeking a gorgeous looking person or a rich person, or in fact anything that is in someone else that you think validates you, unless you can love them without their looks and without their money, and have some self validation the relationship will not have a positive outcome.
If you wish to attract a certain type of person into your life you must ‘be that which you seek’. Instead of focusing on your loneliness, do something with your life. Stop complaining. Get busy. Be excited in your life and happy in your own company. If you want someone from a ‘needy and lacking’ vibration, all you will get is more lack of things! Direct your mind to yourself, give your life purpose, it doesn’t have to be a massive career change or huge project. Do things in your life that excite and please you… Go to the gym, have a hobby, learn a new language or skill but do something that you are passionate about. That way you’re not ‘waiting around’ for someone. When you really take the focus off the fact that you don’t have anyone in your life you will find that you will attract someone. A very important thing to remember is… You must have zero expectation, that means you cannot be doing all these exciting things just to get someone in your life!! You do them just for YOU.
Bad relationships teach us about ourselves. It is important to bear in mind that the universe is in constant motion. Everything is changing. People change and so it’s no surprise that the person you are with has changed over the many years. After all you, are not the same person you were when you were twenty years old. The thing to remember is that you do not own anyone and nobody owns you. Society makes rules and regulations and then we feel we must live up to external expectations to appear to be doing the right thing by staying in a bad relationship for example. People live in mental trauma for decades and sometimes their whole lives in miserable relationships. We give our power away and remain in limbo. You have to stand up for yourself. You are not responsible for anyone but yourself. This subject requires discussion by appointment, I am unable to go into great depth here.
A final word on ‘love’. This word, what does it mean to you? Is it the same as lust? If you lust after someone you want something from them, if you love someone it means you have their best interests at heart and doesn’t mean you want to take something from them. The saying ‘there is a fine line between love and hate’, does this ring a bell with you? It happens because when you do not get what you think you want or need from a partner, or they leave you, you begin to hate them. Did you really love them in the first place? We must remember that it is a birthright to have the freedom to change your mind, thus the same applies to other people. To love someone is to love them unconditionally. When you love someone purely for the reason of loving them, that is real love. It is selfless and transcends time and space..which means you love them whether or not you are in their life.